What about ‘judging’?
How our brain operates
We all feel that you should not judge others, yet we all do this. And often it happens so fast that we do not even notice! This has to do with the functioning of our primary brain, which controls our urge to survive. This part of our brain detects in no-time whether there is danger, or an uncomfortable situation, then it will send ‘alarm signals’.
Often this process takes place unconsciously and happens in milliseconds. We respond to this with the known fight-flight-freeze response. Naturally we are looking for a safer of more comfortable situation. We also do this unconsciously in social interaction.
Humans are social creatures who need the safety of the group, our friends or colleagues. We like to work together, exchange ideas with each other and to discuss with each other. At the same time it is difficult that you don’t know beforehand who you can trust, with whom you can work well together, or who has the right talents to form a group with. And because as humans we can only process so many stimuli per second, our brain controls that we can very quickly judge the other one; this makes our live more simple and less dangerous. In a millisecond we determine if we like someone and we think whether he is reliable. As a team for example having a joint opinion is very good for the team and the mutual bond – “do you also like that…?”-.
To be wrong
A risk might be that sometimes we are wrong in our judgement. This happens because our judgement is by definition not reliable; we are always biased and not objective, for example through unconsciousness agreements that apply in the group. We judge before we know more about each other. Also because we all want to be seen as kind and nice; our reputation is very important and when someone else ‘judges’ different about that we become uncertain because there is a chance that we can be rejected by the group and that means insecurity again.
The positive side of judging is that you feel safe with the group you have chosen. Judgement keeps you sharp because you are constantly checking how the social relations are. It is also refreshing to see that everyone doesn’t exactly know you fully and that there is still a lot to discover!
So realize that your judgement is a temporary one and that you can investigate and discover how it really is. You can do this by realizing that how you look at things, your perception, is not necessarily the truth. Others may just have a different perception.
Look at the picture below: what is the first thing you notice?
It could just be possible that someone else sees something completely different than you!
Those who manage to look critically at their own judgement, will eventually be more flexible and kind to others. So take yourself less seriously, but the other one more!
Next time more about trust
Team Being on Mission