How every NO can be the opening to a new YES!
Disappointment or wrong expectation?
In these times of Corona I notice that being happy, being healthy, suddenly is more important than ever before. We are much more conscious on these themes now we are being confronted with our vulnerability and whether or not your life’s manufacturability. That gave me the insight that everyone handles anger and disappointment in a different way. We all know an example of a situation where you were angry or disappointed because you didn’t get want you wanted. Our brain interprets a disappointment as something bad. We can’t see the ‘NO’ as positive, whereas this cán be possible. If, for the job you wanted so much, and you already survived two job interviews, finally someone else is chosen, this is not what you wanted in the first place and thus a disappointment comes up; or you might even be angry.
Look at it from another perspective!
Yet I want to challenge you to look at this from another perspective, because the disappointment of the ‘NO’ can mean something positive. Every ‘NO’ could be an opening to a new ‘YES’.
According to several American researches, our brain turns more ‘ON’ on negativity than on positivity, this has an evolutionary reason; in ancient times we had to react instantly on danger to survive.
Being negative does have its advantages over being positive. Those who ignore the possibility of a positive outcome may later feel regret for missing an opportunity for enjoyment; but nothing serious happen. On the other hand, those who ignore danger (the possibility of a negative outcome), might end with great loss or even death. The ‘NO’ as we know, is evolutionary developed as defense mechanism. However, in contrast to the olden times, these days you do not die immediately if you hear a ‘no’ when you apply for a job or ask for a salary increase.
Are expectations future disappointments?
Still, despite your evolutionary disposition for disappointment, you are more satisfied with a ‘yes’. After all, disappointment feels less pleasant than receiving a compliment. The turning point for you as an individual is two things: perspective and expectations.
Perspective is seeing the big picture, the helicopter view in every situation and not worrying about the small losses. Rejection for that one job may not be pleasant in the short term, but it opens the door to a new opportunity and does not immediately mean that you have failed.
Expectations are future disappointments. What would removing the expectation give you if you went to a job interview? Are you then less tense, does the interview run more relaxed? Not having an expectation gives you the opportunity to learn from every situation, every interview or every experience.
Connecting the dots to create chances
I remember I was terribly upset that I was fired from an employer on probation. I had just about found my twist when I got this message. This was a big disappointment that I didn’t see coming, I was even angry. With hindsight, I can see it in perspective and it became a nice learning moment, because as Steve Jobs once said in a speech:
“You can’t connect the dots looking forward, but you can only connect them looking backwards. So the only thing you can do is to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future!”
After this disappointment, I only got and grabbed real good opportunities, which brought me to where I am now. I wouldn’t have had these if the disappointment hadn’t preceded it. And Being on Mission is all about being positive, grabbing opportunities and taking direction for your own future.
Did you experience somethings similar, the notion that you are the one that labels the disappointment as negative,, while at the same time you could change it in something positive? Which insights did you have? I’m curious about your answers!